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September 15, 2007
Jiggle the Key: Things I Should Have Known before 30
This vanity entry is part of a series I hope to compile for future children of my own or others. These are things that most humans know or should know early but I never learned til age 30. This entry is "Jiggle the Key". You see, until about age 30, if I put a new key in a lock and it didn't turn, I'd give up and declare it didn't work. Or if a door wouldn't open, I wouldn't yank and shake until it did. First try, a failure, then that was it. Jiggle the key. Bang the thing. Refeed the dollar into the change machine a few times, the card into the ATM. Now most people learn this at 5, but I was instead asking others to help (like a girl! -- sorry for the sexism), moping about frustrated, waiting for another place or opportunity. (Next entry on this topic: look at the ball when you swing).
Posted by Matthew Hogan at September 15, 2007 12:30 AM
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Comments
In your experience, is it possible to jiggle an armoire?
Posted by: Eva Luna at September 16, 2007 12:01 AM
Jiggle the key. Bang the thing. Refeed the dollar into the change machine a few times, the card into the ATM
so ... you're saying the US should invade iran?
Posted by: alle at September 16, 2007 08:20 AM
EL -- Bang it a few times.
Alle -- Just shake it up a bit, they'll comply and go democratic.
Posted by: matthew hogan at September 16, 2007 10:24 AM
Bang it a few times.
Tried that - all I was left with was some residual soreness.
(Luckily, brother-in-law to the rescue once again. Makes me glad sister has always gone for the musclebound types, it does.)
Posted by: Eva Luna at September 16, 2007 11:13 PM
Actually, this doesn't happen to most men until they're 30.
Posted by: Ali K at September 17, 2007 06:48 AM
We are talking about impotency here right?
Posted by: Ali K at September 17, 2007 06:56 AM
"We are talking about impotency here right?"
No, that one's incurable.
No Freud here.
Yet.
Posted by: matthew hogan at September 17, 2007 09:25 AM
One obviously has to understand this key business as a metaphor. But for what? Give us a clue, otherwise we'll go into some insane sex stuff.
Posted by: sanaa at September 21, 2007 10:47 PM
Sometimes, as Freud said allegedly, a cigar is just a cigar. Here a key is just a key, not even a cigar. This is why the not knowing al that literal stuff until 30 is odd on my part, among many things odd on my part.
Posted by: matthew hogan at September 22, 2007 12:32 AM
